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: You Know You're Russian When...
> ! @ 15:46
Your car costs more than your college education

Your blood has a permanent vodka content level, no matter you have been drinking or not

Any outfit you wear involves leather (even in the summer even when no coats are worn)

Your idea of a normal Friday or Saturday night is spending it raving with 200-300 of your closest friends

Your idea of a love song is Track 1 of the New York Underground Party Volume 3 CD.

Things you can't live without include food, water, and a cell phone

Instead of notes during class you write text messages to your friends in Russian font

You come home at 3am and your parents are still out partying with all your friend's parents

People are always asking you if you can get them a cheep deal on something...and you can

Every sentence you say or hear starts with "blyat" and ends with "nahuy"

You know the new line of Nokia's 3 months before they come out on the market

You can't go to the movies on Sunday night without having to save 20 seats for your late friends cuz they're buying semichki

You don't mind family get-togethers because you know the grandmas will be making dinner

You know all the cops by their first names

You know someone who works at a dental lab

You are somehow related to most of the people you know

On the weekends your place of residence is the pool hall, and every 10 mins the tolstii pon'chik tells you to pick up line 2

You drive a Honda (or, in the EXTREME worse case a Nissan), and your windows are tinted to twice the legal limit

Your Honda has either a RU (Russia) or UA (Ukraine) sticker on the back bumper

Your Honda is a 5-speed stick shift, and you laugh at anyone driving an automatic by calling them lohs

At any given moment you are carrying at least a dime bag of shmal'...

Your uncle is in the Russian Mafia or is a former employee of the KGB

You have been kicked out of the JCC at least twice for trying to sneak in without paying.

You can be identified as "Russian" by your scent (D&G or Aqua de Gio cologne).

The waitresses at Omega know your order even before you say anything. Most of the time you get "Gypsy".

You met your girl playing strip durak at the last party you went to.

Everyone you know has a ruchka of smirnoff in their trunk.

You wake up on a saturday morning, unable to remember which one of your friends gave you a ride home because you couldn't even walk, but see your car standing in the parking lot (you drove home yourself).

You start thinking of bread as a good mixer for vodka

You know more than 30 Olgas, Annas, Natashas, and Vikas

You have to tell your parents what channel is "YOUR" HBO, Showtime, Per-View is on.

Your parents have computer "experience" for 8 years already on the resume, yet they been in US for only 4...

You major in Computer Science or in worst case scenario Information Systems (but you still barely know how to turn on a computer).

You have a personalized license plate.

When you are going downtown you ride in one of the last two train carts.

Typical Friday/Saturday night phone call to your friends starts with "So what are we doing tonight?"

Most of your clothes are fake brand names but you "just can't tell them apart from the real ones."

Your fake id is the International Driving License who you got through your friend who goes to Kingsburough.

You used to work out, but you don't anymore. If you do workout, you must wear all you golden chains and bracelets.

Lifting a cigarette while drinking coffee counts as an exercise.

You have a fake Movado because you can't afford a real Rolex.

Once in a while you attempt to go to synagogue but you never make it past the door because you meet so many people you haven't seen for so long.

Some English words like "use, shop, apply, and etc." permanently become a part of your conversational

You're proud to be Russian - and you pass these jokes on to all your Russian friends!
, !

You probably drive a maxima, old bimmer, old mercedes, old acura (younger people)
Dyadya Vasya, Valyera, Vita, and Vatale are in the mafia.
Dyadya Misha was in Spetsnaz, or Desant ...
At least one person in your circle of friends plays the guitar.
You smoke. (not me, only shisha)
You download everything, never even considered buying a cd.
You are constantly thinking on how to make money pulling scams.
You chase vodka with bread or pickles, or more vodka.
You have a carpet on your wall!
You have relatives with mouths full of gold or silver teeth.
You eat semichki non-stop.
Your mom or aunt or grandma is always making some food, and will force you to eat till you die. Pilmeniye, Plof, Alivye, Kasha, Shishliki, Borsh, Pirashki
You drink a lot of vodka and beer. (Not necessarily together but yorsh hits the spot)
Your friends version of Hello is Pashli buhat
You wear mostly black.
You have connections to cheap this, stolen that.
All your non-Russian friends use the words blad, pizdets, hoy, hir, loh, suka etc. around you.
You talk on your cell phone and play cards IN the banya.
You have more relatives then you can remember.
You wear Versace, Armani, D&G, Prada, Gucci, Prada, Paul Shark etc. (Fake or not)
Your fridge always has kalbasa and some cheese, probably havarti.
You represent your Russian Pride wherever you can. Ex. Flag at home, Russian decals and stickers on car, tattoos
If you arent at home, you can be found at the pool hall, or the gym, or a bar, or eating semichki somewhere.
You got a fake I.D.
You notice that Slavas cell phone is smaller than yours and you're jealous.
When you were a little kid, anything could be cured by smitana(sour cream), Butter, or zilonka. Ex. You bumped your head? Put some butter on it. You got a burn? Put some smitana on it. You got shot? Put some zilonka on it. Everything is ganna be alright!.
every sentence begins with blyat and ends with nahuy, for example, blyat pashol te nahuy... (Serper3)
whenever at da movies, ur late because ur buying semichki (MadeInRussia1990)